Internet, Outernet
by Henry VII
Summary: teen!everyone Amy has a really crappy day again, Donna goes around the forums trolling little girls and the Doctor has a super-important chat with his archenemy, while his mom tries to keep him in check. Fandom trolling and various sorts of crack ensue. Read & review dudes!


**A/N Hi there guys! :D So like we had nothing to do at school and me and my bf came up with this fic challenge idea. Each of us had to write a fic for the requested fandom she barely knew. Since my bf is a hardcore Whovian, this is what I got xD**

_**Not even my fandom, why am I even posting this. **_

**Whatever, just enjoy :3**

**Internet, Outernet**

Amelia Jessica Pond was enraged.

She was seething with anger.

She was literally furious.

Because, you know, the birthday. The fourteenth one.

The forgotten one.

She scoured through her memory, summoning all of her yet-to-be-improved mathematician skills (You know you have to work on your maths when the specialized class you're in is a linguistic one. You know you have to.), trying to recall what number this day was to occupy on her "Birthdays Those Jerkasses Forgot". Or should she have rather named it the BTAF, A for Arseholes, because that's so UK-ish and stuff.

Whatever, they still sucked. All of them. Each and every one of them.

All of those loads and loads of characters listed on TV Tropes, all those Action Girls, Kickass Boyfriends, Antiheros, Archetype Villains, Catwomen and even her old buddy, the Barking Dog Zero Man, forgot about her birthday. How could he, no really. Amelia Jessica smirked bitterly. He'd known her from her early childhood.

She braided her ginger hair nervously, planning on how to pay back.

"Option one", she said to herself, "Do nothing and wait for the bittersweet hurt-comfort fluffy super cute secret Birthday party and tons of useless gifts."

Nice try, Amelia Jessica. As if such stuff ever happened.

"Option two", she stared into the window absent-mindedly. This one was a bit nasty. But also a good ol' tested retaliation way, "Creepy black stuff goes into the Pesky Pseudo Physician's screwdriver, creepy black stuff goes into the Stupid Sinister Second-in-fangirl-ownership's tissue compression whateverminator, creepy black stuff goes to my probably-not-yet-existing baby girl's probably-not-too-safe-for-kids toy blasters... Creepy black stuff... Yeah."

Amelia Jessica yawned sleepily. That's how it's done. Hands burning and itchy for a month or so. Not to mention the nausea. And the headaches.

Creepy black stuff was the joy of her life, the perfect revenge poison, but it was starting to bore her, over all those years of weapon-of-choice wasting and birthday-forgetting. The funny thing was that none of them managed to figure out where that came from.

Or should she say, tragic. Whatever. She has been surrounded by idiots and socially retarded timelords (she considered the option of regarding those synonyms) from her debut in the series. Must've gotten used to it. But she hadn't.

Maybe faith in humanity was actually useless.

Oh wait, shit. They weren't human, right?

…

**Le Chat**

**ivegotmorelives13 wrote:** hey dude

**gallifrey_grandma wrote:** he's doing his hw

**gallifrey_grandma wrote:** u should too btw

**ivegotmorelives13 wrote:** I know tis u, get a life

**gallifrey_grandma wrote:** young man, I suppose you should really pay more attention to your grammer.

**ivegotmorelives13 wrote:** grammar has an a in it, young man

**gallifrey_grandma wrote:** fuck

**gallifrey_grandma wrote:** I knew something was wrong

**ivegotmorelives13 wrote:** loser :D

**gallifrey_grandma wrote:** no what if she rly had an acc

**gallifrey_grandma wrote:** I mean like all that dirty talk we had

**ivegotmorelives13 logged off **

**gallifrey_grandma wrote:** since when did you get shy huh? :(

…

**ivegotmorelives13 wrote: **wtf dude

**ivegotmorelives13 wrote:** did u rly have to write that when my mom was behind my back?

**gallifrey_grandma wrote:** MWAHAHAHAHAHA LOOK WHOS DA LOSER NOW

**ivegotmorelives13 wrote:** not funny dude

**ivegotmorelives13 wrote:** I have to do twice as much chores as I had to when the catwomen had a cleanup party

**gallifrey_grandma wrote:** look whos screwed

**gallifrey_grandma wrote:** the screwdriver guy himself

**ivegotmorelives13 wrote:** that's an old one. and get off your grannys fucking account alreavshdjjsjwbdjjdksksndhhs ukwkrkskakaksjhshsjsjdnnxnzj akskod

**ivegotmorelives13 logged off**

**gallifrey_grandma wrote:** thou shalt not swear with thine eleventh mommy right behind ur back lol

**gallifrey_grandma wrote:** wow evil actually wins now haha

**gallifrey_grandma wrote:** fuuuuuuuck victory is boring

**gallifrey_grandma logged off**

…

Maybe she really just had to sleep on it and forget everything. The teenager sighed.

This was not the way.

She pulled the dusty keyboard - she didn't use it much, always on her school gazette meetings or out with friends, or working, trying to show the outer world how strong, independent and significant she was, - closer, squinted her eyes for courage and...

…

**Girly Girly Lovey Dovey Forum **

_You're logged in as: Girl Who Waited_

"Hey there girls. It's not like I have problems too hard to deal with on my own, just felt like getting my dose of girl advice. So I'm kind of like a Scottish girl (And no, troll ladies, no drinking issues, I don't get too much attention from sheep, my boyfriend doesn't wear skirts so it doesn't annoy me, and I'm quite alright with my bagpipes. Thanks.) and I kinda am nice but no one cares and well..."

She kept typing and typing and typing and typing and typing and typing until she had an angsty tear-soggy dramatic Birthday post written. She hesitated for a minute, it was sorta OOC for her to do such stuff, but hey, this was really getting on her nerves.

Click.

Posted.

…

**Le Chat **

**genderbent_quixote wrote:** hey dudes. just got back from my daily ggldc trolling raid. look, what kind of a wet blanket is that?! she totally screwed up my day D: I just liek read so many Scots jokes D:

**(genderbent_quixote shared a link) **

**pickup666master wrote:** ewwww shes gross

**pickup666master wrote:** I hate such ppl poor u

**genderbent_quixote wrote:** ikr?! so much for the Scottish sense of humour, duh

**genderbent_quixote wrote:** whats ur opinion doctor

**ivegotmorelives13 wrote:** ...

**ivegotmorelives13 wrote:** u know wut... methinks im in deep shit ._.

**pickup666master wrote:** hah, loser :D

**genderbent_quixote wrote:** is she ur gf or wut

**ivegotmorelives13 wrote:** close enough. my classmate

**pickup666master wrote:** u mean THAT one?!

**ivegotmorelives13 wrote:** yep the kissogram 1

**pickup666master wrote: **well dude ur so not getting laid then :D

**genderbent_quixote wrote:** get real, he wasn't evn going to. he's flipping 13 yrs

**ivegotmorelives13 wrote: **actually I was

**ivegotmorelives13 wrote:** ...tonight

**genderbent_quixote wrote:** holy retardis insides 0_0

**ivegotmorelives13 wrote:** fuck, what if the apocalypse is coming next episode or another and ill die a virgin

**pickup666master wrote:** dude ur not alone

**ivegotmorelives13 wrote:** not helping master :(

**pickup666master wrote: **:(

**genderbent_quixote wrote:** how bout a round of cs then

**pickup666master wrote:** im in

**ivegotmorelives13 wrote:** I'm off to the mall bros. bye

**ivegotmorelives13 logged off **

**pickup666master wrote:** maaaaaan that's the determination

**pickup666master wrote:** im pretty satisfied with my anti-black stuff cover for the eliminator though :D

**genderbent_quixote wrote:** ugh, I feel kinda left out. what's the deal with the Scot?.. did he storm off to buy a gift or what?

…

_It's been thirty minutes already_, Amelia thought, checking the watch just to make sure she was right. As usual.

And there were no comments for her post yet.

"Come on, it's the site's busiest hour! It's not like they have no people to comment or something..."

She sighed, leaning on the wide balcony bar. It was cold and black and dusty.

The girl watched the people passing here and there into the mall, out of the mall, carrying bags and parcels and packets of all sorts.

They probably had gifts in those. For their, you know, friends.

She even thought she saw somebody doctorlike, but it might as well been just her.

"I'm fourteen now. Cheers."

"Cheers, Amy!"she patted her own head gently, "I love you, Amy. You're awesome, Amy."

An awesome forever alone, that is. She sighed once again, taking a huge sip of apple juice to make her feel better.

Didn't help. The clock struck 12.

Not her birthday anymore.

What a relief.

…

**ivegotmorelives13 wrote:** fuuuuck, dude... how could you?!

**pickup666master wrote:** wassup? how did it go? is she good? how bout a threesome maybe?

**ivegotmorelives13 wrote:** wtf u talking about?!

**pickup666master wrote:** secks, wut else dude

**ivegotmorelives13 wrote: **oh. not in this life

**pickup666master wrote:** doesn't sound too reassuring for me u know :(

**ivegotmorelives13 wrote:** I mean how could u have bought the last anti-Amy stuff cover? cuz my hands r liek all itchy now :(

**thegirlwhohated joined the chat **

**ivegotmorelives13 logged off **

**pickup666master logged off **

…

**thegirlwhohated wrote:** FUCKTARDS1!1111


End file.
